This isn’t about the day you were born, because I don’t know that story yet. This isn’t about how I met your father, because I can’t say for sure that I can tell that story right now, either. This letter is about how much I love you, and because I do, I feel there are some vital lessons for you to know. Of course, you aren’t alive as I write this, and to be completely honest, I don’t even plan on conceiving you any time in the near future, if you’re even meant to exist. But in case God chooses me as your mother, I am writing this letter with the hope it lands in your hands when you’re old enough to read it and understand. Know that I had you in mind a lot earlier than you were created.
With letters, I usually go with whatever comes to mind, but for you, for this particular letter, I actually sat down and think this one out first. I wanted to make sure I was thorough enough and touched on most of the things I felt were necessary to your growth as a woman. Of course, there are some things I can’t tell you, simply because I’m young and I’m still learning, too. More importantly, in life, there are certain lessons you must learn through experience, and as much as I want to protect you from all the hurt and pain in this world, hovering over you won’t help you become the powerful, resilient lady you are meant to be. So, enough of my rambling.
First and foremost, understand that there is a God and a spiritual relationship is more meaningful and much more important than any church you could ever belong to. I learned for myself the difference between the religion and the relationship; the latter involves a great deal of consciousness and a deep knowing of thyself. The relationship part is going to be hard, because you’ll stumble and mess up so many times. You’ll get confused, you’ll be tempted and tested so much, and you’ll have so many unanswered questions. Keep going. And you’ll change, Sweetie. Don’t stop it from happening, embrace it. Everything you need is already inside of you. Look for love, within. Look for joy within. Look for your purpose, within. Look for God within. This may be something you’ll fully understand once you get to a certain point in your life.
Don’t be afraid to question what others tell you or what you hear. Not just in regards to religion, but with life in general. Do your own research, find out the truth for yourself, and always know that because humans are so flawed and unknowing, perceptions will vary from person to person. If there is one thing (among a few other things) that you should keep from your childhood, always keep your child-like sense of wonder.
Utilize your talents, please! You’re an indigo child, I can already see it now! You’ll have some talents that are God-given, some that you know of early on, and others that you just so happen to discover as you grow older. Use them or else you will lose them!
Respect. Respect, respect, respect yourself and respect others. I cannot stress it to you enough. Honey, if you don’t respect yourself, don’t expect someone else to.
Sex is going to be all around you. I can already predict this because it was all around me as a youngster; on the tv, in the media, my friends were all having sex already. Bottom line is, It’s everywhere. Peer pressure is so hard for a growing child to resist, and there may come a time when you feel pressured to try it in order to hold on to someone or to get someone to like you. Sweetie, wait it out until you’re ready. Anyone who truly wants you in their life will be patient with you. You will more than likely encounter that cute guy who tries to convince you otherwise. Or you may feel left out of the circle when your friends talk about their first times. Trust me, I know those feelings all too well. Don’t give into the pressure, you’ll thank yourself later. And another thing, there is no question off limits for you to ask regarding you curiosity about sex. I don’t ever want you to feel like you cannot come to me and talk about these things, Love.
On that note, there will be boys. There will be grown-ass boys, stupid boys, sneaky boys, nasty boys, good boys, and there will be immature boys, all of whom can range between the ages of 13-38. (Yes, some guys won’t get it until the gray hairs start showing). You will have a father who can answer all your questions for you and two uncles who can give you the scoop whenever you feel uncomfortable asking your Dad. Here’s what I’ll say to you, from what I’ve learned. Trust your gut. Most of the time, it’s right. If you feel unsafe, don’t ignore it. If you are uninspired, don’t force it. If he simply does not realize the rare gem he has when he has you, then move on. When a guy doesn’t fully appreciate your presence, give him your absence. When he grows up and goes through more life, he’ll look back and regret overlooking you. More than likely, he’ll return, and then it’s up to you whether you want to give it a shot. No matter what you choose to do, don’t ever give away too much of your power, Love. Always remember that you teach people how to treat you by what you reinforce and what you object.
Surround yourself with positive people who have goals and are actively pursuing them.
Always look for mentors or older individuals who can give you their wisdom.
There is no one like you, and there will never be anyone like you to follow, so the only female you can and should compare yourself to is who the one you were the day before. There will be girls who you may think are prettier than you, smarter than you, have better bodies than you, or are more interesting than you, but that DOES NOT, in no way, shape, or form take away from the amazing person you are. Don’t wish to be anyone else but yourself; even the some of the most beautiful girls can have ugly personalities and lots of insecurities. Remember that.
Learn how to pick and choose your battles, but by all means, if you are put in a position where you have to defend yourself, I give you permission to be about that life. Swing hard and follow through. Stick and move, jab and cross; I’m sure you’ll learn all that in your boxing classes. Anyway, if you must go down, go down fighting.
Be the well-rounded girl! Read (read, read, read!) about different topics, try listening to different genres of music, and learn about different cultures. Here’s a secret; the older you get, the more you’ll realize guys really dig a girl with substance. The fast, popular girls are just a fad. At the end of the day the good woman always wins! Keep that in mind.
I remember when your Grandma Miss Lady told me, “In life you will get your heart broken and you will break hearts, as well.” I got the first part, but I was so in denial about the second part. I would never think of doing that to anyone, but as I got older, I finally understood what she meant. Honey, there will be guys who you love, but don’t love you back or love you the same. And there will be guys who love you, and you may not reciprocate those feelings. Most of the time, it’s not intentional. Understand that some people are good, but not good together. Do yourself a favor; don’t force what’s not there. You’ll waste time, tears, and emotions holding on to something during the season when you’re supposed to let go of it. This is going to hurt. I won’t lie to you. And you may not understand at that moment why it had to be that way, but in due time every puzzle piece will make sense. God sends people in your life for a reason, whether they do damage or they do good. It all works out for your benefit if you stay optimistic. And always remember: everything is as it should be. Once you grasp that concept, life becomes so much easier.
You will lose family and you will lose friends. Even the closest people to you can do the most harm. Whatever happens, whatever you do, please, don’t become like the people who have hurt you. There is an undeniable freedom that comes from forgiveness. Especially forgiving yourself.
Now listen carefully to this one. Never, ever tolerate abuse or manipulation, whether it’s mental, emotional or physical. Especially if it’s physical. I’m serious. This goes back to the respect thing. Respect yourself enough to walk away, and don’t even look back. Once things like this happen they rarely ever get better with time. Don’t let anyone tell you this is love. Love does not hurt. Love should heal. You are way too cherished, smart, beautiful, and needed in this world to leave yourself in harm’s way of any person who chooses to fight you instead of protect you.
Last, but definitely not least, follow your heart. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re selfish for pursuing your dreams or that you can’t do something that is weighing heavy on your heart. Listen for God’s voice within you above all things. Most people will tell you what they would do in a situation instead of what they think is best for you, and contrary to popular belief, even mothers can be wrong sometimes, too. Be bold, be courageous, and don’t be afraid to speak your mind, but do think before you speak.
You are so beautiful, inside and out, and hell, I don’t even know if you exist in the future. But if you do, I can only imagine the magnificent light you will bring to my world and the lives of so many.
I love you to the moon and back… and then back to the moon again, Judah. And yes, you already have a name.
edited, originally from southernfriedambitious.blogspot.com, July 9, 2014