August 28, 2016
I woke up with a bit more energy, but as soon as I got up, I lost the little bit of it that I had. I haven’t had much of a bowel movement so I think my digestive system is pretty much empty. My skin is glowing, too! I can smell myself though, my body odor is as bit strong(to me at least). Also, I had a thick white coating on my tongue, so I’m positive my breath is kicking, too. Cleansing stinks (literally)! I fell sleep watching Hulu and every food commercial that came on had me in a trance. I kept imagining how food would taste and what I would eat when the fast was over. I guess I should stay away from television and media during this time, too. I’m about to go home, meditate and go to sleep. God, give me strength, LITERALLY!
I’m awake from my nap, and surprisingly I feel energetic. I’m moving slower than usual, though. I feel like it taking me forever to do something. I’m trying to organize my apartment and it’s taking me forever to do it! But maybe this is exactly what I need. I’ve been living life so fast and so anxiously that maybe I just need to slooooow down.
I’ve been using this time to process my thoughts and appreciate nature, tending to my plants and even buying a fish. =) I’ve mostly been listening to meditation music, burning incense, and staying away from big crowds of people–I want to focus solely on looking within myself. On another note, it’s such a beautiful day, but I don’t think I would have any energy to go outside and take a walk and I’m afraid I may collapse or something.
Screw it, I’m going outside, anyway. I’m noticing something very interesting. Each time I step in the sun, I feel an immediate resurgance of energy, some new sense of will power. And then it makes sense! As someone blessed with melanin, I am solar-powered! I feel like the sun, itself, is healing me. How could I forget that?! Damn, it feels good to be Black! And when I add that on top of the fact that my system is cleansing? Yea, that Carbon in me is activating and operating on 10! Not to mention, I have meditation music playing in my headphones as I walk around my neighborhood.
While I am on this cleanse, I feel a lot more sensitive to people and whatever energy they bring with them. I keep drawing people to me, and they keep asking me for stuff! After I bought her a box of crackers, one homeless woman asked me if I could meet her at the library to help her with her financial aid because she was getting back into school. Even though I sensed that she wasn’t that bad off, as I’m talking to her, I feel a great deal of confidence. Not that I don’t feel that way when I talk to people as it is but this feels…different. I feel all this empathy, yet I’m operating with a lot of logical reasoning and wisdom. I’m talking to her like I have a million dollars at my disposal ready to give at any moment. But I don’t feel as if I’m any better than her. It’s a weird feeling to explain. I think I’m tapping into what my mentor calls, my God nature. I feel this magnified, yet non-dominating sense of persuasion, almost as if I could say anything I want and it would be given to me at any moment. I also feel this deep appreciation for everything around me. I was walking around admiring every piece of architecture in an inspiring way– a way that I’ve never noticed them before. I keep remembering my mentor in my head saying, “Pay attention to everything, Olivia. Look at the signs that you walk by, the advertisements on the bus, the noises that go on around you. God is talking to you.” I get it now. God is always, always speaking to me, through me, and over me.
Working the night shift is tough for anybody, but when I add in the fact I can’t eat any of Lay’s chips in the kitchen cabinet, I’m a bit surprised at myself. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. After the 2nd day, it’s becoming a lot easier to resist junk food and food altogether. I guess my body is finally overcoming these detox symptoms, because for someone who’s only had water and tea for the past two days, I’m feeling pretty energized and motivated! One more day, and I get to eat some’in!