#GradSchoolDropIn

Stand Yourself

Some cannot stand to be alone simply because they cannot stand themselves. Imagine, a pathology or a defense mechanism so intense, that when left alone to one’s own devices , it becomes self-sabotage. How fragile the ego is that one must pour the overflow of deep-seeded, self-hatred into someone else out of self-preservation.
Some will drown out their spirit’s cry for help with busy musings; the person who is always in some kind of relationship or can never bare to go to social events alone, the person who engulfs themselves in their work or a plethora of activities. Many of them do not partake in adequate self care. Many of them cannot be still long enough to listen or observe their true intentions.

For some, the soul has been battered and exhausted so much, so early on in life, that the feeling of being loved purely and unconditionally is like torture or confinement. Yet, when they encounter someone who treats them in such a way that most resembles how they treat themselves, they cling to the person. It’s human nature to choose what feels familiar. Observe, the one who deliberately stirs up an argument or drama in their relationship to keep things “interesting.” This person is accustomed to battling themselves in their metaphysical realm, that without seeing this play out in the physical realm, they feel as though something is amiss. Or, a people who can so easily tear down the next person who looks like them, yet adore the one from which they learned their pathology.

Answer something for me, for yourself, rather;
When your mother is taken out of the matrix, when your father is removed from the picture and your siblings all vanish into the veil of existence, when they take away your cousins, your friends, your lover, your mentors, if your children all faded to dust in a moments notice, and when every pillar on which you ever stood is questioned, attacked, or mutilated…
Can you stand yourself?
Are you left with a solid foundation of self-love or is your platform crumbling from the inadequacy of your pathology? Notice the thoughts you circulate, observe the words you use when you talk to your own spirit. How you treat yourself when no one is around will ultimately build you up or kill you slowly.

What we do to others, often times, is a reflection of what we do to ouselves. When a person leads with these unresolved, self-depreciating defenses, they unconsciously seek those who speak to their vices, who awaken them like a dormant beehive or a resting wild animal. Many are walking wars, waiting for the person they can drag into the line of their own friendly fire, so that they are not suffering alone.

Take heed; you will never find the person who makes you complete, for no one holds your missing pieces but you. Until you can stare your own demon in the face and analyze its origin, you will destroy every relationship you create. The same ending will play out over and over again with each new person. Every union you enter will crumble nor will it satisfy you the way you seek to be filled. You cannot stand with another, for another, or with a people if you cannot stand yourself.

 

Peace

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