You ever have one of those moments when something happens that makes you feel mad or sad and you find yourself thinking of other things in life that made you feel that same way? It’s almost as if all the old stuff that was swept under the rug starts tagging each other like, “Okay, your turn to come out! Okay, now it’s your turn to wake up. Okay, it’s your turn to resurface!” When you come into a moment of intense emotion, it triggers all the other things that were pushed down in the past–your unresolved feelings with your ex, your anger toward the people who bullied you in school, your bitterness to a parent who didn’t give you the love you needed, the times when people walked all over you and you didn’t do anything–all’a that. That’s because repressed and suppressed emotion is always looking for ways to resurface. I, personally, know too well the ills of holding back. It creates resentment, bitterness, rage, self-sabotage, and the Soul wants nothing to do with anything that administers a slow death. We like to talk about a hell and the opposition of “the enemy” or a devil as if we haven’t created our own hell and devils with our egos.
For me, it became way too exhausting to be at war within myself. I made a vow to paint me, in perfect peace, in my Perfected form, and I decided to become that.
1. I stepped out of my own box.
Even as a kid, I was never one to do what everyone expected of me, especially if it didn’t line up with what I believed in my heart. Overtime, I became my worst enemy. I was the one who put limits on myself because I got caught up in what everyone thought, my fear of failure, or my fear of not being worthy. And I know this sounds redundant, but I truly cannot stress this enough. If I truly, truly wanted something, I started viewing every barrier as an opportunity to show myself what I was made of. If there was a wall, there was a way around it. If no one wanted to open the door to me, well then I set up shop and built a door my damn self.
2. I became unapologetic when asking for what I wanted.
What I’ve come to understand is that, as humans, we usually only ask for what we feel worthy of. One may not ask for someone’s time, because one may not feel worthy of it. One may not ask for help because deep down we don’t feel deserving or we feel too vulnerable in doing so. Honestly it’s still something I struggle with from time to time, but in acknowledging that honestly with myself, I am able to turn those false thoughts around. As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Being unapologetic in asking for what I want has been key in finding peace and elevating. In a world full of insecurity and doubt, people sure as hell admire the boldness it..m
3. I stopped clinging to people.
Here’s the thing: even clingy people get annoyed by clingy people. It’s never okay for one to put so much of their self worth in the approval and acceptance of others. There aren’t many people who find much value in one who begs to be loved because it shows that they don’t see the value in themselves.
4. I stopped being afraid of hurting people’s feelings.
This one is all about intention. Some of you may have had mothers who said, “I’m beating you now, so “they” won’t have to do it later.” Well, it’s like that. When I allowed someone to continuously hurt me or themselves, I became an enabler. I spent so much of my time holding back what I wanted to say out of fear of offending others, and it did no good for me in the end. At. All. If I must hurt someone, I do it with the purest intentions, that way I won’t be beat myself up with my shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.
5. I stopped comparing my journey to others.
You want to bring yourself down from a happy high? Browse through Facebook or Instagram and compare your blessings to everyone else’s. The worst part about this is, half of the people we are comparing ourselves to are not the rich, spiritual, well endowed, philanthropic, physically gorgeous people in person or without their audience. Don’t compare yourself to anyone, and definitely don’t compare yourself to the illusion of people.
6. I stopped forcing my agenda onto others.
A lot of my peace came when I stopped forcing my Truth onto other people. No, I won’t encourage every young person I speak with to go to a four-year college or get all these degrees because not everyone is meant for or needs that. No, I won’t encourage everyone to be a certain religion, because some religions can hurt a person more than it will help them. No, I won’t encourage everyone to become entrepreneurs or move out into a big city because that may not be their destined path. The world is full of multiple realities. The only one I know how to choose is what is the one that’s best for ME. The only way I can help another person is to inspire them to find what is best for THEMSELVES.
In this day and time, we have to be extremely fierce when it comes to protecting our peace of mind and our well-being. If anything costs me those two things, it is not worth it. It’s okay to be selective of the energy I allow around me and the places in which I accommodate. It’s okay to want alone time, and it’s okay to say, “no.” It’s okay to change my mind about something to preserve my peace, or to walk away from any ship (relationship, partnership, friendship) that no longer helps me grow–and to not feel guilty in doing so. I had to make a decision to put a wedge between myself and those around me who acted through jealousy, anxiousness, anger, pity parties, laziness, overt control or any other symptom of a mentality that operates in the realm of fear. Out of love, I put some distance between myself and those who were not practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness, because I could no longer entertain the people who reminded me of my past self.
It’s one thing to want to live in Love and strive for it, but it’s another thing to actually do that. I’ve come to the conclusion that order to live in Love, I have to live in Truth, first. I have to be painstakingly truthful with myself and with others. This may mean, if I feel angry, I express it. If I feel sad, I express it. If I feel angst or bitterness, I acknowledge it and question it. I cannot short-circuit or omit any part of the process, no matter how ugly, pessimistic it is. This is not to say I am without flaws or slip-ups, because dealing with matters of the heart takes practice, especially in a world that’s tells to do otherwise. But each time I do, I’m reminded that when I become devoutly focused on what MY God nature was/is, what MY purpose was/is, what MY reasoning for life was/is, I really can’t change everyone’s mindset or worry what others think about the way I choose to live. There simply is no time to do any of that when I am tunnel-visioned on building the best version of me.